#I mean I don’t HAVE to but that’s also the explanation for why I haven’t been in years

[helleanorlance]

Gos I hate the dentist and I am so nervous 😫 and it’s like 3 levels bc a) I’m going to have to get my wisdom tooth dealt with and b) I haven’t been to the dentist in a few years and I’m sure they’ll bring that up and c) this is the dentist that my grandmother helped me find after I refused to go to a dentist because of my anxiety and everyone there knew her really well and knew that I was her granddaughter. And if they ask about her I have to tell The Saga

[illusioncanthurtme--art]

A very self indulgent Billford playlist!

Self indulgent, because this music does not appeal to the masses at all; these songs are limited to the stuff I listen to. So I’m being VERY transparent about my embarrassing taste in music right now! Plus, NOBODY ASKED FOR THIS!!! But I hope some of these resonate with you. This is a little collection I’ve formed in my phone notes since I got into this ship a couple weeks ago.

Not a fancy spotify playlist, it’s just links to the music on youtube. 

I’ve got this divided into parts:

-The Billford Songs

-The In This Moment Billford Songs

SO MUCH of their music is enemies/lovers perfection. I’ve thought about so many *killing you but also making out with you* pairings to this shit, because these songs were like, DESIGNED to be recycled for any and all love hate relationships, and still hit insanely hard EVERY TIME. So now that you have these songs under your belt, you have them FOREVER. You’re welcome. I haven’t even listened to all their music, I’m sure there’s more songs for this category that I simply haven’t discovered.

-The…Maybe…Billford Songs

My standards were kinda high for making this list. But every song is about your ship when you’re insane, right??? So these are the maybe’s. One’s I’ve thought about billford to, but maybe the lyrics don’t totally align.

Playlist under the cut! I wasn’t gonna ramble about each song but WHOOPS I DID 🤷‍♀️

The Billford songs:

Monophobia - Deadmau5 (Extended version, cuz it’s the best.)

THE LYRICS… THE LYRICS!!!! Definitely bill pining in theraprism. 

Propane Nightmares - Pendulum

This one WAS gonna go in the maybe’s, but I convinced myself otherwise after listening to it eighty more times, and now it’s up here on top. And fuck it, this is the *self indulgent* billford playlist, so I do what I want. I go into a fucking trance when I listen to this song, so I can’t really explain 110% why this is a billford song to me, but I’ll try.  Apparently, this song is about the heavens gate cult. So not enemies/lovers angst. But looking at the lyrics, you could interpret it as giving yourself to something greater, and coming to the realization that what you pledged yourself to is actually a very bad thing which will ultimately destroy you. (also, you can’t deny that there was some cult like manipulation happening with Bill and Ford. Sense of purpose and friendship.) Definitely billford-y when you consider Fords commitment to bill. And I’ll admit, when I listen to it, there is some pov switching. Because the “trail of fire”,  “we will be as one”, and “bring it on home” is VERY reminiscent of bill executing weirdmageddon. So overall, my interpretation of this song is Ford feeling torn about bill, feeling regret, feeling scared, and Bill of course, just wanting to bring the dimensions together. “BRING IT ON HOME!!!!”  Or I just like the song. 

Rule 34 - Fish in a Birdcage

Bestie recommended this song to me. It needs no explanation.

Painkiller - The Queenstons

…NEEDS NO EXPLANATION DSKFDSKJHF It’s similar to the above, just more… scary imo. Violent. Definitely bill being a little psycho. I really love this song. It’s very recyclable too. You have it for any toxic ship now. 

9V - The Queenstons

One of my favorite Lapfox/Halley Labs songs… I’m gonna give you the lyrics, it’s a bit hard to understand without them. In my eyes, it’s about betraying Ford. Also these vocals (and other music by this artist) works so well for bill because of the synthesized voice. 

LoveBOMB - S3RL

This is a new S3RL song. This song sounds like a tantrum, and I really liked it when I first heard it, but it didn't fit anything I was into at the time. Luckily, bill suffered a horrible breakup, and now this song has it’s meaning. 

When I'm There - S3RL

Bill thinking about joining the third dimension with Ford. 

Click Bait - S3RL

I’ve listened to this one a LOT before this, and I surprised myself with how much it aligns with bill, specifically, him tricking Ford.

Space-Time - S3RL

Speaks for itself.

Sodom & Gomorrah - Dorian Electra

This one’s just funny :)

The In This Moment Billford Songs

Sick Like Me

Sexual Hallucination

This is one of those recyclable songs, but I was damn surprised at how well the lyrics suited them, because it alludes to being out of body, possession, etc.

Blood

Half God half devil

Roots

Whore

Damn it, I cant deny this one suits them.

Big Bad Wolf

DAMN IT I wasn’t gonna include this one, but I just checked the lyrics and fuck, it works. In this moment, how are you so wonderful

The…Maybe…Billford Songs

Illuminaughty - Infected Mushroom

I'm kind of grasping at straws with these lyrics, but with a title like that? Come on

The Pretender - Foo Fighters, Infected Mushroom, Turbo Remix

Three versions, for whichever suits your fancy.

Leopold - Infected Mushroom

This one has NO LYRICS, but it has this buildup that sounds really cool, and it has an abrupt decrescendo. Reminds me of their "friendship" and how it all came crashing down.

Idolize - Dorian Electra

Hmmmmm, I just like Dorian. But the idolization thing works for obvious reasons.

That’s it! Hope you enjoy. Maybe I'll do an expansion pack of sorts if I find enough songs for a part 2.

[wolfofansbach]

BEING A LIST OF THE THIRTEEN GREATEST RIVERDALE LINES, ON THE OCCASION OF THAT SHOW'S TERMINATION

As our much loved/hated show comes to an end, I feel compelled to record, for posterity, the greatest thirteen pieces of dialogue to spring from the pens of RAS and his henchmen. It was, of course, originally a top ten list, but I simply could not exclude a few of these treasures. Without further ado: 

13. 

“I dropped out in the 4th grade, to sell drugs, to support my nana.” 

“That means you haven't known the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of high school football.” 

Spoken by: an inmate of Leopold and Loeb Juvenile Detention Center, and Archie Andrews. 

In: 3 x 2 

Yeah, okay, this one had to be on the list. It’s funny, I’ll admit. It’s a great example of the overwrought semi-sincere melodrama that helped make this show so special. It’s low on the list largely because The Normies got their hands on it, so every time I hear someone make a reference I get all “do not cite the deep magic to me, witch.” 

12. 

“No! No! What are we supposed to do now? I’m horny as heck!”

Spoken by: Archie Andrews 

In: 7 x 16

Season 7 is undeniably dreadful, and yet there are diamonds in the rough. The occasion is the failure of a projector, just as Archie and Reggie prepare to watch a pornographic film. The utter desperation with which KJ Apa delivers this line is exquisite. One is made to feel they are witnessing a genuine tragedy. 

11. 

“Tonight, they’re making an exception and debuting a cover of the song my parents claim they were listening to the night Jason and I were conceived.” 

Spoken by: Cheryl Blossom. 

In: 1 x 1 

Really a fantastic line. A wonderful encapsulation of the casual absurdity of Cheryl’s character, and a foretaste of the lunacy we would plumb in later episodes and seasons. 

10. 

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. I don’t fit in and I don’t want to fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? That’s weird.” 

Spoken by: Jughead Jones

In: 1 x 10

A genuine classic. “High school football” before “high school football.” One is never entirely sure just how sincere the line is meant to be, both on a meta-level and in-universe. A perfect illumination of Jughead’s pretentiousness. It is made all the better by the occasional cuts to Lili Reinhard’s agonized face. 

9. 

“At the last dance, multiple students were murdered.” 

Spoken by: Principal Holden Honey. 

In: 4 x 2

Delivered as an explanation to Toni and Cheryl, as to why there would be no school dance this year. Principal Honey is in fact supremely rational in the cancellation of this dance. This being Riverdale, he is of course treated as an unreasonable tyrant. 

8. 

“Bro, I know all the secrets of this universe.” 

Spoken by: Archie Andrews (evil version)

In: 6 x 5 

Spoken as evil Archie reveals his evil plan to keep the parallel universes apart. KJ Apa’s delivery once again makes this line. He is comically sinister. Strangely, he sells it. 

7. 

“A Vughead kiss, right now, in the present might be precisely what it takes to save a future Bughead from imploding.” 

Spoken by: Jughead Jones. 

In: 2 x 14

One of those lines that both makes me laugh and makes me genuinely angry. This was a fairly early season, and this may have actually been the first line to get me asking, ‘did they genuinely write and deliver that?’ Extra points for use of the atrocious ‘Vughead’ portmanteau ship name rather than ‘Jeronica.’ 

6. 

“I’m the ultimate wild card. I am the daughter of The Black Hood. The nightmare from next door. I’m training with the FBI and I’m coming for you, you psycho bitch.” 

Spoken by: Betty Cooper

In: 4 x 14 

Just delicious. Another one of those lines that leaves you somewhat unsure whether or not the writers understood how genuinely hysterical it was. “The Nightmare from Next Door” sounds like an announcer hyping up a wrestler. Spoken with a raw sincerity by Lili Reinhart. Also points for the heavy homoeroticism between Betty and Donna. 

5. 

“For I am Cheryl Blossom, Queen of the Bees.” 

Spoken by: Cheryl Blossom.

In: 5 x 16. 

This one really doesn’t require any elaboration. 

4. 

“Elijah ascended…and I will, too.” 

Spoken by: Edgar Evernever.

In: 4 x 5. 

Admittedly, this one is only spectacular with context. But in context—the context being that Chad Michael Murray delivers this line while dressed like Evel Knievel and standing in a cartoon rocket right out of a Warner Bros cartoon—it becomes utterly magnificent. 

3. 

“It’s not queer baiting, it’s saving the world.” 

Spoken by: Veronica Lodge. 

In: 6 x 22. 

It’s actually hard for me to decide whether this one is funnier with or without context. Without context it’s wonderful, but it possibly becomes even funnier when you know that the context is that Veronica needs to kiss Cheryl to transfer superpowers into her body so she can turn into a Scarlet Witch knock-off and stop a magic comet summoned by Sephiroth an English wizard who is also the Devil. 

2. 

“If there’s no wedding reception, it means the Gargoyle King has won.” 

Spoken by: Kevin Keller. 

In: 3 x 12.

One of my personal favorites. This is a perfect line because like #3, it requires no real elaboration. There is absolutely no context in which it isn’t hysterical. 

1 .

“Word of my exploits serving Nick his comeuppance has seeped into the demimonde of mobsters and molls my father used to associate with, so the five families are sending their youngest and brightest, their ‘princes,’ as it were to, well, come court the rare Mafia Princess who can belly up to the bar with the big boys.

Spoken by: Veronica Lodge. 

In: 2 x 20. 

This is, in my opinion, the all-timer. Every word is perfect. The rapid-fire alliteration. The use of the word ‘demimonde.’ The entirely unnecessary addition of ‘as it were.’ This is borderline Dr. Seuss. The fact that Camila Mendes delivered it without cracking a smile should have won her an Emmy. No. An Oscar. This line is Riverdale. 

[wonderjanga]

I’m Never Going Back to That Farm

Clark was talking to Marvel and he realized the man didn’t have anyone to celebrate Christmas with. So, he invited him over. Cause why not? Might as well spread some Christmas spirit. What he didn’t expect was…

Ma Kent: “Clark, your home!” *hugs her son*

Supes: “It’s good to see you too Ma

Ma Kent: “Oh, and who is your little friend-” *looks over to Marvel before doing a double take* “C.C.?”

Marvel: “Huh?”

Ma Kent: “Oh my God, C.C. is that really you?” *turns around to call Pa Kent* “Honey! Come here and look who Clark brought over!”

Supes and Marvel: *share a look*

Pa Kent: “What’s wrong Martha?” *comes from the kitchen* “Charley!? Is that really is you?” *rubs his eyes and looks again* “God, we thought you died in the plane crash! Also, Jesus, you’ve grown 2 feet.”

Supes: “Your name is Charley?” *looks over to Marvel*

Ma Kent: “Oh no sweetie, it’s Clarence, but this guy thought the name was too boring. So we either called him Charley or C.C.”

Marvel: “Haha… Yeah.” *oozing awkwardness*

Supes: *staring with a hint of betrayal*

As for why Clark felt betrayed? Well, his parents knew about Marvel’s entire secret identity before he even did! But, that betrayal was quickly forgotten when his Ma and Pa decided to go down memory lane and pull out a box Clark had never seen before.

Supes: “What’s all this?”

Ma Kent: “Just some old keepsakes your father and I look back on every now and then.”

Pa Kent: *pulls out a photo* “Oh I remember this one. One of my biggest races.” *shows a photo of Ma and Pa Kent, and C.C. and Marilyn all smiling at the camera while Pa Kent is holding a second place trophy*

Supes: “Are you wearing a leather jacket here? Also who’s that?” *points to Marilyn*

Marvel: “That’s my uh…” *looks to the Ma and Pa Kent before looking back to Clark* “My wife?”

Supes: “Wife?!”

Ma Kent: *ignores him* “Speaking of her, where is Marilyn? Did she not come along? Are you two still married?”

Marvel: *also ignores him* “Oh uhm… She didn’t survive the crash.” *still super awkward*

*silence*

Ma Kent: “Oh Charles… I’m so sorry.”

Pa Kent: “And the kids?”

Supes: “Kids?!”

Marvel: *continues ignoring him* “They’re doing good. Mary and Billy are twelve now.”

Ma Kent: “Oh that’s just wonderful. Say, Clark, isn’t Jon the same age as Charley’s kids?”

Supes: “He’s a year younger.”

Pa Kent: *puts the photo of the four of them back into the box* “You two should set up a little playdate.”

Marvel: “Maybe.” *awkward smile*

So now Clark is completely floored. This man that he’s known for nearly 5 years has had a wife who died??? Not only that, but he has two whole children??? Also Cap knew his parents when they were younger??? He’s definitely going to ask more about that playdate though. Jon should have more superpowered friends his age.

Later during dinner…

Pa Kent: “You know, Charley it surprises me how much you haven’t changed.”

Marvel: “Huh…? Whatdya mean?” *shoveling food in his mouth because it delicious*

Ma Kent: “Well, for starters, you look the exact same.” *little laugh as she puts more food on Marvel’s plate*

Pa Kent: “And when you’re not being super awkward, your personality hasn’t changed all that much either.”

Marvel: “You’ve noticed me being awkward?”

Supes: “It’d be kind of hard not to notice, Cap.”

Billy found out more about his parents from this one Christmas alone than he had in his entire life up until now. That is why he will not be coming back to this farm ever again. He’ll send Christmas cards, he might even send a gift or two, but never again. He doesn’t want these two to realize their friend is actually dead. They’re sweet little old people who don’t deserve that. But other than all that, Billy is super happy to find out he and his dad are very similar in personality. It makes him feel closer to the man.

Also, I went on Wikipedia to learn more about the Kent’s and apparently Pa Kent was a race car driver so in case anybody was confused about the race thing, there’s your explanation.

Also, also, as for how the Batsons and the Kents knew each other? Let’s say that Marilyn grew up in Smallville and met Martha. Then Marilyn moved away to Fawcett, but the two still kept in touch. Then both of the women met their respective husbands and they all got together to be a nice little friend group. And then, you know, the Batsons died.

Also, also, also, after this whole thing, Clark started calling Billy Charley or C.C. which made Billy violently flinch when it first happened. After a while though, he grew used to it because he’d rather be called Charley and have someone think he’s C.C. Batson instead of someone thinking he’s Billy.

Also, also, also, also, (I’m sorry I can’t help but add more) when Clark thought no one was looking, he whipped out his phone and took several pictures of the photo of the Kents and Batsons. Or more accurately, he took photos of the part of the picture with C.C. in a leather jacket. Marvel just didn’t seem like the type so he wanted recorded evidence so he could be sure he wasn’t crazy.

Alright I’m done now. Super duper early Christmas post, yay!

[mindless-existence1]

HIHIHI Could you write a Shadow x reader (romantic)who loves space and tells him all about like where which constellation n allat?

Authors note: So I don't know anything about stars so I asked my friend who does and he told me about these so if they are wrong blame him. Also thanks for sending the request!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The night sky above Green Hills stretched endlessly, the stars twinkling like diamonds scattered across a sea of black velvet.

Shadow stood silently at the crest of a hill just outside of town, his crimson eyes fixed on the expanse above. Beside him, you were bouncing with excitement, the cold air forgotten as you pointed upward.

“You can see so much more out here,” you marveled, scanning the heavens. “No light pollution to ruin the view.”

Shadow glanced at you, his expression neutral, though a faint softness lingered in his gaze. “That’s why I brought you here. You mentioned wanting a better look.

Your heart swelled at his thoughtfulness. Despite his gruff demeanor, Shadow always had a way of making you feel seen and appreciated. You plopped onto the soft grass and patted the spot next to you.

“Come on, sit with me. You can’t just stand there brooding all night.” With a quiet huff, Shadow lowered himself beside you, his movements deliberate and measured.

He rested his arms on his knees, his attention split between you and the stars.“Okay,” you began, pointing to the sky.

“That’s Orion’s Belt right there—see the three stars in a row? And over there is Taurus, the bull. You can tell by the V-shape of its horns.” Shadow followed your gestures, his eyes narrowing slightly as he traced the patterns you described.

“You know a lot about this,” he remarked, his tone calm but intrigued. “Oh, you haven’t even heard the half of it,” you replied, grinning.

“Space is fascinating. Did you know that Betelgeuse, one of the stars in Orion, is a red supergiant? It’s so big that if it replaced our sun, it would extend past Jupiter!”

Shadow tilted his head, his lips quirking in what might have been the beginnings of a smile. “I see why you find it interesting,” he said. “It’s… vast.”

You nodded enthusiastically, launching into an explanation about black holes and neutron stars, your voice animated as you shared fact after fact.

Shadow listened intently, his silence encouraging you to keep going. At one point, you paused, glancing over at him.

“Am I talking too much?” Shadow shook his head. “No. I prefer this to silence.”His answer warmed you, and you turned your attention back to the sky.

“You know,” you said after a moment, “the universe is so big and full of mysteries. It makes you feel small, but in a good way. Like, even the worst day doesn’t matter on a cosmic scale.”

Shadow considered this, his gaze drifting upward. “Maybe that’s why I’ve always liked the stars,” he admitted softly.

“They’re constant. Unchanging.” You smiled, leaning your shoulder against his. “And beautiful. Like you, when you’re not scowling.”

He gave you a sideways glance, the faintest hint of a blush creeping up his cheeks. “I don’t scowl that much,” he muttered.

You giggled, reaching out to lightly squeeze his hand. “Thanks for bringing me here, Shadow. It means a lot.”

He hesitated for a moment before entwining his fingers with yours. “You’re welcome,” he said simply, his voice low but sincere.

For the rest of the night, you continued pointing out constellations and sharing everything you knew about the cosmos, while Shadow sat quietly, content just to be by your side.

[mygnolia]

say it. say you love me. - hyung line vers.

or....perhaps not the first, but the most memorable of times they’ve said i love you. 

pair: hyung line x reader (separate) | genre: comfort, fluff, minor angst | wc: 1.3k | cw: everyone is over 21, alcohol consumption (jake) kisses hehe MAKNAE LINE VERS.

a/n: some r angst some r comfort some are me silently begging to be loved i fear. also bye why did it go from total angst n comfort where reader is sobbing to nervous enha and kisses...u can never stray away from love LMFAOOO

—

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ LEE HEESEUNG

'i love you,  i know i don't say it enough.'

lee heeseung, who knows he’s created a rift between you and him the more he devotes himself to his work, and the less he responds to your texts and messages, the more you worry.

lee heeseung, who sees you in your room with tears in your eyes as you write in your journal how you feel, the songs of your playlist emcompassing the melancholic insecurities that continue to choke you out. 

“you don’t love me anymore, do you?” you confess your amalgamation of issues, afraid that his lack of availability and excuses stem from his loss of feelings. 

and lee heeseung lays with you, refusing to let the exhaustion creep into his bones until he’s quelled your fears. “I know you keep hearing it, but it really is work.” he pairs his explanations with begging texts from his boss and team as evidence, followed by his refusal but eventual acceptance. it’s overtime, and he promises himself he’ll treat you both to a trip with the three day weekend coming up. and he’s been too tired to even realize how aloof he sounds, until he hears your quiet and vulnerable explanations. “i’m sorry, ____. I promise, it’s not what you think. i’ve been meaning to ask to take you out down south a bit, yeah? just us, over that three day weekend. it’s what i’ve been planning. i’m sorry I haven’t noticed how I’ve made you feel, my love.” Although you still have to take deep breaths and slowly calm yourself, you let him dote on you, wiping away tears and placing small kisses on your forehead. 

“say it, heeseung.” and he knows immediately.

“i love you, ___.” his eyes glitter with affection as he cups your jaw, his forehead against yours. “i love you, and i know i don’t say it enough.”

more under the cut!

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ PARK JONGSEONG

'i love you, and it drives me crazy.'

park jay, who swears he would never let it happen to him, he swears he would never be caught purposely in the rain, but his heart falls into reckless abandon; and it falls for you, vehemently. some would say it’s cliche. jay thinks it’s simply a byproduct of his feelings for you.

park jay, who knocks at your door repeatedly, the rain soaking him down to the bone. he knows he’ll catch a cold, but the craziest thing about being in love is that he truly doesn’t care.

you open your door, annoyed at who could be out at the hour. “jay, what the hell? you have a flight tomorrow!”

“i love you.” he confesses, like it’s torture to contain. “i love you, and it drives me crazy.” 

your words feel caught up in your mouth, suddenly dry and without response. “i swear, ____. I don’t care that we’re friends, i don’t care that i leave for a month tomorrow. i stay up at night because you are all I think about. And I can’t come home to an empty apartment without at least trying to gain the courage to ask you to join me there.” 

you think you could cry, honestly, when you step into the rain and wrap your arms around him, pulling jay into a slow kiss. you don’t need words to describe how you feel, only reprimanding his recklessness. “i’m glad it only took two years for you to feel the same.” you finally tell him. he drips on your floor as you two hurry across the wood to dry off.

you don’t care that he makes a mess, and it doesn’t matter that he has to borrow your clothes. you’ll move out soon, anyways.

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ PARK SUNGHOON

'i love you,  and i hope you feel the same.'

park sunghoon, who feels stupid asking you out on your fifth date as a couple, standing outside your door with yet another bouquet of flowers. the man feels like he’s in high-school once more, but swears that you deserve nothing but the best, however cliche. 

park sunghoon, who does not know the aching feeling of love and how exhilarating it feels to hold your hand, willing to palms not to get clammy and for his racing heart to slow down when he sees your smile again.

sunghoon always brings you on the most well thought-out dates. drives to the flower fields are filled with boxes and wrapping paper for you to make bouquets with, he attentively works on his color-by-number and makes sure you’re not slacking off to appreciate the end effort, and he makes pottery with you, sculpting with pride as you frown at your mess. your boyfriend has always poured love into the little things. 

today, he takes you ice skating, despite your pleas against looking like a floundering idiot. he laughs at you, dragging your shaky legs onto the rink and giggling as you scream. he pretends to race you, spinning and twirling as you try your might to finish your pre-decided finish line before him. he sulks, and you smile, your chest filling with a swirling, bubbling feeling. 

when he finally takes you home, you two share a sweet kiss, and you pull away to rest your forehead on his. 

“i love you.” he breathes, like it’s natural, like it’s meant to be. “I hope you feel the same.” 

you can’t fight the smile on your face and the kisses that come next, with whispers of ‘i love you’ spoken into the wind from you and him. 

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ SIM JAEYUN

'i love you,  i hope you can tell.'

sim jake, who has zero idea what he’s doing as a boyfriend, scared whenever he takes you out to dinner or comes home with flowers.  

sim jake, who truly finds it befuddling how you’ve moved into his place and offered him comfort every night in your arms. 

he fumbles with his car keys once more, waiting for you to get off work to celebrate your birthday. he has planned an array of events that you love; watching the next episode of the new drama that came out with the projector he just installed, a meal at one of your favorite restaurants, and bags with a purse you’ve been eyeing, some sunglasses, and one of your favorite books, in its special edition form with a signature. 

when you emerge with a look of shock, jake springs into action, opening your door. “i thought heeseung was going to take me home.” you say, pleasantly surprised. 

“and so you thought wrong.” you pull at his ear, laughing when he shrinks away from you. 

the rest of the night continues perfectly, and your chest swells with every new thing your boyfriend tells you he has planned. truly, in this moment, you feel so wholly accepted and appreciated. the night ends with you two tangled on the couch, your head following the rise and fall of his chest as you two clink wine glasses. you turn to him, making eye contact after you place your glass down. “thank you, jake. truly. i appreciate this so much,” you tell him quietly. “you were lying when you said you didn’t know what you were doing.” the corner of his lip curls into a smile, and he places his glass down as well, a look of pure emotion in his eyes. when he kisses you, it feels right, your lips slotted against his as a content sigh leaves you. 

“i love you, ____.” he murmurs, his hand still cradling your jaw. “i hope you can tell.” and you scrunch your eyebrows, sending jake into full panic and overthinking. 

“of course, jake, you did so much for me today, and i feel so special.” you confess. “i love you, too. more, even.” you ponder, before rushing out. “yes, definitely more.” and jake quiets you with yet another kiss. 

—

YES MAKNAE LINE IS COMINGGG i just wanted to see how you guys liked this one first!

[fishfission-dc]

Batfamily Powerpoint Night! (Part 9: Barbara)

<<Part 8: Duke    |    Part 10: Alfred >>

[Masterlist]

Barbara: Alright, my turn!

Tim: Frankly I’m terrified for what’s about to happen

Dick: Oh Babs will be nice, don’t worry :)

Dick: I stand corrected

Steph: Oh god

Bruce: [sighs and puts his head in his hands]

Barbara: I organized it roughly from newest vigilantes to oldest, since more patrolling means more room for spectacular failures

Duke: It was a bad day for me

Jason: HA

Steph: Been there, done that. Not on TV though that really sucks man.

Steph: NOOOOOO

Tim: ONE SQUARED?

Steph: I GOT CONFUSED

Jason: [Hysterical laughter]

Damian: One multiplied by one?!

Steph: I THOUGHT IT MADE TWO I UNDERSTAND MY MISTAKE

Duke: From this mask view footage Batman is just watching this go down

Bruce: He said he didn’t want help. Felt like a teaching moment.

Damian: (muttering) I was fine.

Dick: Damian we were not going to drive you to 5th grade with a knife in your liver.

Steph: You’ve had this footage for four years?!

Barbara: I keep a file for blackmail. Cass doesn’t really have much, though.

Cass: (signing) I did learn the dance. Eventually.

Tim: WILL THIS TORMENT EVER END

Jason: YOU CRASHED THE BATMOBILE INTO A WALMART, TIMMY.

Steph: You deserve every joke we make about this

Damian: Your idiocy must be remembered

Dick: Yeah Tim this is pretty bad

Jason: Can I have that mask view footage

Barbara: I got ya

Tim: I hate it here

Jason: I really can’t defend this one

Dick: Why...? Did you shoot the trashcan?

Jason: I thought it was looking at me funny

Damian: The trashcan?

Jason: I was up for 52 hours give me a break.

Barbara: Do you want to tell them why you pulled two all-nighters in a row? Or should I?

Jason: You are an evil, evil woman. How do you even- nevermind. Of course you know everything, why do I even wonder. And for the record, the first night I stayed up for a case.

Barbara: And the second night was for Animal Crossing.

Jason: ...perhaps.

Duke: Oh my god.

Steph: And you laughed at me?

Bruce: (sighs)

Steph: Stop you were adorable in high school

Barbara: Thank you, but the braces? The acne? The bangs? 15 year old Barbara had no idea what she was doing.

Dick: I for one thought you were very cute in high school.

Jason: Stop flirting or I will leave

Bruce: Why were you both on a roof at night in your school uniforms?

Dick: I think let’s move on

Dick: Nevermind nevermind go back

Tim: Oh my god, Dick.

Duke: ”Purposely” ?!

Dick: I was nine

Damian: I knew better by age 9.

Bruce: Lessons were learned. I hope.

Jason: I’m starting to think I was one of the better Robins

Dick: I felt like I see sounds for three days...

Bruce: All traces of this were wiped from the internet.

Barbara: Oh Bruce, you know I’m better than that.

Dick: Hold on, hold on, we need an explanation.

Alfred: (as he walks by) A little too much to drink goes a long way...

Tim: YOU WERE DRUNK? ON PATROL?

Jason: No way. Even I haven’t been that stupid.

Duke: What did you buy at CVS

Bruce: ...apparently... I bought lollipops.

Steph: “Apparently” as in the next morning you didn’t remember putting on the Batsuit, going to CVS, buying lollipops, and talking to a guy with an audio recording device?

Bruce: ...yes.

Cass: (signing) Very bad. Very funny, but very bad.

Damian: Also an ineffective use of a smoke bomb if this civilian saw you walk away...

Bruce: Barbara, you have made your point.

<<Part 8: Duke    |    Part 10: Alfred >>

[Masterlist]

[moonstruckme]

hey! I really really really like your writing very much!

can you do one where the reader and spencer reid are both nerds but different kinds of nerds. so the reader's more of a literature/ language nerd and spencer's basically an expert in LITERALLY everything. so she has a major crush on him but always hesitates to make a move on him cuz she thinks that she doesn't stand a chance because she struggles with basic math and physics chemistry make her head hurt

and so when spencer asks her out she's all baffled like you don't think I'm dumb?!😭😭

Hi, thanks honey!

Spencer Reid x fem!reader ♡ 1.3k words

It’s one of those rare days where you can actually afford a lunch break, and you’ve decided to take it outside with your book. Every day lately feels like it could be the last nice one you get before the cold weather comes in, and you’re enjoying the crisp breeze and warm sunshine on your face as you get settled on the bench outside the cafe where you work. 

The book you’ve been reading for the past week is good but not great; you’re sort of pushing yourself to finish just so you can say it’s over with and tell the friend who lent it that you gave it your best. Still, you’re very nearly lost in it by the time a pair of black converse comes to a stop in front of you. 

You follow them upward. “Spencer!” you say, probably with a touch too much alacrity. Too quickly, too. You might’ve at least pretended to have to think about the name of the sweet-faced doctor looking down at you. But it’s not your fault; you’ve gotten used to calling it out from the counter when he comes here to pick up his lunch at least three days out of the week. 

“Hi,” he says, teetering on the edge of bashful. “I’m surprised to see you out here, you’re almost always working when I come by.” 

It’s embarrassingly gratifying that he knows that. You’d never hold it against him if he didn’t, but you’ve come to enjoy the little bits of conversation you grab with him when he comes by, and it’s nice to know that he’s noticed you too. 

“It’s a slow day,” you reply by way of explanation. “I figured I’d grab a break while I still could.” 

Spencer smiles like he totally gets that. You imagine he does. “Good idea. Can I sit?”

“Of course!” Again, way too eager. You’ve got to work on controlling your tone around him. You move your discarded jacket into your lap. 

“Thanks,” he says, sitting in the space you’ve made for him. His legs are so long he looks like he’s squatting on the bench, knees high enough for him to set his elbows on. Which he does, tilting his head to see you. “What’re you reading?”

“Oh, um, it’s nothing. I mean, I wouldn’t really recommend it,” you laugh. Christ, you don’t want him to know what you’re reading. Spencer probably reads astrophysics textbooks for fun. “It’s not very good.” 

Spencer puts his hand over yours, far from forceful as he tips the page toward him until he can see the cover. Your brain is short-circuiting so badly it’s a wonder you don’t drop the paperback onto the pavement. 

“I haven’t heard of it,” he says, which surprises you. Spencer seems so knowledgeable it’s difficult to believe there’s anything in existence that’s not stored somewhere in his hard drive. “Why are you reading it if you don’t think it’s good?” 

He doesn’t ask it in any unkind or judgemental way, but something inside you tenses nonetheless. You know perhaps too much about Spencer Reid. It’s not like you’d gone out of your way to figure him out, but the facts had presented themselves to you almost serendipitously and you’d put the pieces together. You know that he’s in the FBI, not only because of the laminated identifier he sometimes leaves clipped to his shirtpocket when he comes in, but also because of the coworkers that occasionally come with him. From those coworkers, you also know that he’s a doctor, and you gather that he’s generally respected and admired as well as cared for by his team. He seems a bit awkward, but sure of himself where it matters, and he goes into every interaction with a kind curiosity. Most of all, you know that Spencer is smart. Like, expert in everything smart. You’d caught a few jokes from the people he’s brought in about an eidetic memory, his multiple PhDs, and the nickname “boy genius.” No matter how shy and sweet someone is, that’s intimidating. 

And it’s unnerving to have someone with an IQ higher than you can probably fathom asking about your intellectual habits. 

“Well, the plot doesn’t actually have much movement, so it’s pretty boring,” you say hesitantly. “I guess at this point I’m mostly in it for the prose. Plus my friend recommended it, so I have to finish it to keep her happy.” 

Spencer laughs at your little joke, nodding. “Wow, the prose alone is enough to keep you going? It must be pretty fascinating.” 

You want to backpedal immediately, but settle for a one-shouldered shrug. “It’s alright. I’m kind of a nerd for that stuff. Rhetorical devices and all.”

Spencer tilts his head, something igniting in his brown eyes. Interest. “Rhetorical devices. You mean like metaphor and personification?”

You nod. “Yeah, like those, but also anadiplosis and polysyndeton and anastrophe.” Spencer’s eyebrows move slowly upward as you speak, and you feel heat rising to your cheeks despite the slight chill. “I just like that there’s things that affect the emotion—or the pacing, or whatever—of writing that we as readers pick up on almost subconsciously, but were so intentional for the writer.” 

Spencer’s nodding, eyes going somewhere just slightly distant. “Yeah, that’s a good point. I mean, I know writing is a very intentional process, but I never really think about the tiny, word-level decisions authors make to influence readers.” 

“It’s so cool,” you agree. “Like, how long do you think it takes someone to land on the exact right word for what they’re trying to convey, or to structure their sentences in a way that builds momentum over the course of a paragraph? Like, so much goes into it.” 

Spencer’s smiling at you, and you realize you’re gushing, geeky zeal bursting out of you like a soda bottle that’s been shaken and finally uncapped. “Sorry. Um, what’re you reading lately?” 

“Don’t be sorry,” he says quickly, still smiling at you. “I actually just finished my last book, so I’m looking for something new. If this book has all that and isn’t up to your standards, I’d be interested to see what you really enjoy reading.” 

Your cheeks are burning hot; you hope Spencer thinks the redness is from the cool breeze. “I’d be nervous to give you a recommendation,” you admit. “Too much pressure.” 

Spencer waves you off. “I’ll read anything, don’t worry about it. Hey, have you ever been to that coffee shop on fifth? It’s in a bookstore.” 

You blink. “No, I haven’t heard of it. That sounds cool, though.” 

A bit of pink tinges Spencer’s cheeks; it’s probably from the cool breeze. “Yeah, well, you should let me take you there sometime. If you want, of course,” he adds hastily. “Don’t worry about it if not.” 

It takes you a second to realize what’s happening. And then once you do, another second to make yourself believe it. “Like, as a date?” you ask, just to be sure.

 Spencer’s smile is hopeful behind its timidity. “Yeah. Yeah, if you’re okay with that.” 

“Yeah.” You can’t think of anything better to say, your brain filling with buzzing bees. “That sounds good. Thanks.” 

He laughs, eyebrows coming together bemusedly. “Well, don’t thank me. I should be thanking you.” 

It’s more a thanks for his taking action, you think. For making a move when you’d been too scared to, stagnant with months over your anxiety that he’d think you were too dumb or trivial to want to keep talking to you after he’d picked up his sandwich. 

“Okay, great.” He stands. “Well, I have to get back, but I’ll, uh…I’ll see you? Friday, maybe? I can come by here after your shift.” 

“You know when my shift ends?”

Now even his ears are turning red. “You…around four, right? I sometimes see you if I’m leaving work around then.” 

You smile. “Yeah, four. See you then, Dr. Reid.” 

“See you then!” he turns around, and you can see the exact moment he thinks to wonder how you know his last name. You don’t bother worrying about it.

[thehmn]

It might simply be that I don’t frequent ADHD forums enough but I haven’t seen a whole lot of talk about learned social withdrawal.

As a child I made friends left and right but as we all turned into self-conscious teenagers it slowly became more and more difficult for me. Plain and simple, other people thought I was weird. For some reason I never got bullied which I think is related to something my teachers kept telling my parents “She’s such a sweet, bright child and we can tell she’s not malicious or trying to be disruptive on purpose but we can’t teach her anything”

Basically people couldn’t figure me out. I had good social skills with both children and adults, I had a good moral compass, i felt compassion and empathy for others and was willing to go against my friends if I felt they were being bullies, I taught myself English and my drawings showed good observation skills. Because of all that it was decided I should start school a year sooner than most kids and my parents were very proud. Unfortunately that’s probably one of the main reasons why I was never diagnosed with raging ADHD as a child. People soon realized I didn’t do well in a school setting but assumed it was because I “wasn’t done playing” and my ADHD symptoms were interpreted as childishness.

So as I got older my classmates started to distance themselves from me. They were always kind and friendly but they didn’t know how to deal with me and ever since then people have always been worryingly comfortable with calling me weird to my face. I get the impression it’s because they think it’s a choice on my part. To them I’m clearly of “normal intelligence” so I must be acting like this on purpose and my parents would repeatedly tell me to “just act normal” as a child when I told them I was struggling to make friends. I tried so damn hard but kept failing. I knew something had to be different about me and when I first heard about ADHD I thought “That’s me! That’s how I feel!” but my parents said that was impossible because I wasn’t hyperactive.

Because nobody wanted to help me I eventually learned to just stop trying to make friends and keep to myself. I was so tired of being told by friendly, well-meaning people that I was so weird and quirky and unique only for them to distance themselves once they realized it was permanent and not something I could turn on and off for parties. I always enjoyed being alone so it wasn’t a huge loss but it did feel incredibly lonely at times.

Things got a lot better when I became an adult, mostly because adults are generally more chill than teens so my ADHD behavior isn’t as embarrassing to them and ironically they’re often surprised to learn I don’t make friends easily. Unfortunately I learned to be withdrawn in my formative years so new friends are still a rarity. Before I really sat down and put my past into context I even started to wonder if I had autism despite not connecting with anything autistic people said about their experiences. I went as far as to be tested but wasn’t surprised when the diagnosis was negative because of course it was, I kinda already knew that. I was just looking for an explanation.

So while there can be overlap between ADHD and autism (I have just such a friend) my experience is also that oftentimes people with ADHD simply learn to stay away from social situations and entertain ourselves which ends up looking like autism to outsiders.

[bitebitekxll]

Physical Catalyst

Notes: Years ago I read an isekai fic that referred to guns as ‘physical catalysts’ which is where I got the name from (haven’t been able to find it but I’ll link it if I do) but the rest are just my own musings about a reader with a gun in Teyvat. Also first attempt at making a divider, but I think it’s kinda cool

So whether it’s SAGAU or regular isekai, imagine reader is in Teyvat, no one knows they’re not from Teyvat, and they have a gun.

This in and of itself isn’t a big deal, most people carry weapons in this world and tons of them have guns. But the thing is, they’re not the same as real world guns, are they?

Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but every case of guns we’ve seen in genshin (pyro fatui skirmishers, Chevreuse) shoot out what looks like elemental energy. Maybe they’re bullets infused with elemental energy, like what we see with the arrows for the bow users, except the bow users can still shoot regular arrows. We never see the guns shoot regular/non elemental bullets.

Which is why my theory (that might be pulled apart in a future update but for now…) is that they don’t exist. Teyvat guns are capable of shooting elemental energy, maybe fuelled by the wielder’s vision/delusion or maybe using some kind of pellets, but they are not equipped to shoot with the force needed to make a regular bullet be of any use.

So when reader shows up and has a gun from their world? Oh boy. A handgun is no weapon of mass destruction, but anything that can take down a lawachurl in one well-aimed headshot will terrify Teyvat’s inhabitants. I mean, their guns do damage too, sure, but it’s a relative amount. A burn from a shot of pyro, a shock from a shot of electro. The concept of a gun that can instantly kill someone, quicker and easier than an arrow? Using a tiny piece of metal that isn’t even sharp and doesn’t explode? You are going to throw entire nations into chaos.

If word gets out about it, you’re gonna have law enforcement from across all the continent investigating you, not to mention the fatui— be prepared for the harbingers to be hunting down your ass trying to get their hands on such a powerful weapon

Of course that’s only if you let the cat out of the bag. Use your weapon away from prying eyes, and you’ll probably be fine. Dead hiluchurls tell no tales, after all. Or men, if you’re more chill with murder.

It probably wouldn’t be too hard to find a metalsmith who could take one of your bullets and make more. Though I wonder what explanation you’d give as to what it is, without giving away the ‘deadliest handheld weapon in history’ thing.

Idk I just think the introduction of bullet-operated guns in Teyvat is interesting, might write some stuff for the different characters reactions to it at some point

[kjack89]

New year, same bullshit. I’m sorry I’ve been so MIA, friends, but I hope you accept this drabble as an explanation of sorts. Love you all ❤️

“Should I be worried?”

Grantaire���s eyes flicker up to Enjolras’s, his cereal spoon halfway to his mouth. “Do you mean, like, in general?” he asks. “Because I mean, like, it’s 2025. And we’re all fucked. So.”

He sticks his spoon in his mouth and shrugs. Enjolras doesn’t smile. “That’s on me for not being more specific, I guess,” he says, scrubbing a hand across his mouth before crossing his arms in front of his chest. “You’re not painting.”

Grantaire swallows. “Well, no,” he allows, “mainly because I’m eating breakfast at the moment.”

“Be serious.”

Grantaire’s lips twitch. “It’s somewhat less funny when you know it’s coming.”

Enjolras arches an eyebrow. “And yet that’s never stopped you before.”

“Fair.” Grantaire twirls his spoon between his fingers before pronouncing, like the well-worn, inside joke it had become, “I am wild.”

Almost certainly despite himself, Enjolras smiles, just slightly. “Yeah, you are,” he agrees. “But you’re also not painting.”

Grantaire’s answering smile fades. “Could be,” he says, a little sullenly. “It’s not like you’re around enough to know.”

It’s a low blow and he knows it, but Enjolras doesn’t flinch. “Maybe not but we live in a late capitalist surveillance state so I have my ways of finding out.”

“Well, well, well, typical white man, complaining about the system except for when it directly benefits you.”

“Yep,” Enjolras says. “Are you going to keep deflecting? Because I can do this all day.”

For a moment, Grantaire’s tempted to take him up on it, to see just how long he’ll actually allow this to drag on. It’d almost certainly be good fun, and it isn’t like Grantaire’s got anything better to do.

But he can also see that Enjolras is genuinely worried, can see it in the tightness of his shoulders and the lines at the corners of his eyes that he tries to claim aren’t crow’s feet because he’s not old enough to have crow’s feet. And considering Grantaire’s previous point about all of the other things that are almost certainly more worth Enjolras’s worry, he supposes he owes him at least a semblance of the truth.

“Yes, I haven’t been painting,” he says, dipping his spoon in his bowl of cereal and stirring it, mostly to give himself something to do with his hands. “No, you shouldn’t be worried.”

Enjolras nods like he didn’t really expect a different answer. “Are you depressed again?”

Enjolras’s bluntness, characteristic though it may be, still startles a laugh from Grantaire. He sighs and looks down at his cereal bowl. “There’s not really a way to say this that won’t worry you.”

When he sneaks a glance at him, Enjolras meets his eyes evenly. “Try me.”

Grantaire jerks a shrug. “I’ve never really not been depressed,” he admits, which isn’t really a dirty secret so he’s not entirely sure why he’s saying it like it is.

Maybe because he really doesn’t want Enjolras to worry. They don’t talk about this, really, other than for Enjolras to reiterate more times than Grantaire can count that he’s always there to listen if ever Grantaire wants or needs to talk.

He knows that Grantaire’s in therapy, and takes meds, and had some very low lows previously, but Grantaire’s never felt the need to fill him in on the specifics.

It was depressing enough living it the first time.

He made that joke, such as it was, to his therapist, who didn’t laugh. “Do you frequently feel like you’re a burden to your loved ones?” she asked in response.

Of course Grantaire does, but again, he won’t tell Enjolras that.

Enjolras taps his fingers on the table, the way he does when he’s deciding on the best plan of attack or how to most effectively dismantle whatever asinine argument Grantaire’s brought up. “I thought you were doing better,” he says hesitantly after a moment.

He doesn’t pitch it as a question but Grantaire still nods. “I was.”

“What happened?” Enjolras asks, before pausing and asking, “Did something happen?”

Grantaire sighs and crosses his arms in front of his chest. “It doesn’t always work that way,” he says. “It’s not always triggered by something happening.”

Enjolras’s brow furrows. “Right,” he says shortly, something like disappointment flitting across his expression.

It took Grantaire a very long time when they got together to realize that this kind of disappointment isn’t aimed at him, but at a problem Enjolras can’t fix, an enemy he can’t fight.

At least, not directly.

He clears his throat. “But in this case, I think probably everything over the past few months played at least a contributory role, shall we say.”

True though it is, he mostly says it for Enjolras’s sake. Enjolras just nods slowly. “Are you not painting because your depression is bad again?”

Grantaire exhales sharply. “I’ve painted a lot while depressed.”

Enjolras’s expression doesn’t shift. “Another excellent deflection.”

Grantaire barks a laugh and scrubs both hands across his face. “You know me too fucking well.”

“Or just well enough.”

Grantaire lowers his hands and sighs again. He doesn’t quite meet Enjolras’s eyes as he says, “Every time I go try to paint…it’s like I can’t see it anymore, you know?” Enjolras almost certainly doesn’t know, but he’s struggling to put it into words in a way he can understand. “Like I can’t picture it in my mind, how I want it to look, or how to get there. It’s– it’s like trying to paint in fog.”

It’s not an exact metaphor, but it’ll do.

Enjolras nods slowly. “But I don’t need to be worried.”

“No,” Grantaire says, before wrinkling his nose. “Yes? I never know what the correct response is.” Enjolras just gives him a look, and Grantaire tells him, “No, you don’t need to be worried.” He pauses, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth before telling Enjolras with an almost tired conviction, “It’ll come back. It always has.”

“And if it doesn’t?” Enjolras asks.

Grantaire cracks a smile. “Then you can worry.”

Enjolras takes a deep breath. “Ok,” he says simply.

Grantaire eyes him resignedly. “You’re going to worry anyway, aren’t you?”

A smile twitches at the corners of Enjolras’s mouth. “Newsflash, asshole, I’ve been worried this whole time,” he says dryly, and Grantaire’s smile widens at the quote.

“I’m sorry,” he says, and Enjolras’s smile disappears.

“What? Why?”

Grantaire shakes his head, mostly because he knows Enjolras won’t like his explanation. “Because you shouldn’t have to—”

Sure enough, Enjolras cuts him off with a scowl, though his voice is gentle as he tells him, “That ship I’m pretty sure sailed when I fell in love with you. Or, frankly, probably a good deal sooner than that.”

There are so many things that Grantaire wants to say that, but he can’t bring himself to. Instead, he stretches his hand across the table and tells Enjolras, sincerely, “I love you.”

Enjolras takes his hand, lacing their fingers together. “I know,” he says softly. “I love you, too.” He squeezes Grantaire’s hand before adding, “I hope it comes back soon.”

“Yeah,” Grantaire agrees. “So do I.”

[maxineryx]

Seeing Dazai without bandages is like winning the lottery, getting struck by lightning, seeing a blue moon, or managing to buy the first three volumes of your favourite manga from the bookstore.

It's a chance close to zero.

Well, none of those things have happened to you yet, including seeing Dazai without bandages. Though, you believe this was even rarer than all those other things listed above because every time you spotted him unwrapping them in the bathroom, he softly shooed you out, or closed the door. You never got an explanation for why, but you had a solid idea of what it might have been.

You weren’t a stranger to Osamu’s past. You knew of all the things he did and who he was, but he was given a second chance, so naturally you put that all behind you and never asked any questions. And of course, most of the things you’ve heard weren’t actually from him. He’s never gone into depth about what used to happen in the Port Mafia. Nor has he ever mentioned any battles, or any struggles he might have faced. However, you were sure that there were some stories to tell under those bandages.

You were also sure that those ‘stories’ might not be as pleasing to hear or to tell, so you never pressured him to talk.

Although, sometimes you just wished he confided in you, because you were together, after all. He knew many secrets of yours, pleasant and unpleasant, and you knew that none of those secrets were even comparable to what he must have gone through.

You just wanted him to tell you, to show you, even if it was a little so that you could lift that guilt off his caring heart to make him feel better.

You and Osamu came home from work a couple of hours ago, when the sun was already set, stars twinkling above. It was dark inside your shared home, the only light source being the bright, white lights around the rectangular-shaped mirror, as you sat on the counter, already showered and face taken care of.

You were watching Dazai apply some moisturizer to his face. His long coat was gone, along with all his other clothes that hid his top half. The only thing stopping you from seeing his skin were the bandages.

“You like to stare, don’t you?” He asked in his usual, playful tone, pausing to take a glance at you before resuming his skincare. “I mean, I don’t blame you. I’m breathtaking.”

Rolling your eyes, you mumbled a ‘yeah, yeah, whatever’, to which he started tickling you, your laughter echoing throughout the house.

“It’s getting late. You should go to bed, I’ll join you in a few minutes.” Osamu said, kissing the tip of your nose.

You frowned. “I don’t feel tired at all,” you started, smiling, hoping he’d agree for the first time, “I’ll wait for you, I mean, how long can it take?”

He sighed, though it wasn’t an annoyed sigh. He helped you get off the counter, gently grabbing your arms, before walking you out. You stopped in your tracks, earning a confused expression from him.

“Osamu… why do you never let me stay? Every night, you push me out without giving me an explanation.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” He put a hand softly atop your head. “You know I don’t want you to see what’s under these bandages…I don’t want to scare you.”

“You’ll never scare me, no matter what I’ll see. I thought you knew that.” You replied, not breaking eye contact. You could start seeing the unease in his eyes as he averted his gaze.

“It’s not that.” He whispered, “You haven’t seen me in the Port Mafia. You didn’t know the Port Mafia executive, Dazai Osamu, because you only know the new Dazai Osamu. And even though I am him, my body still represents the Port Mafia executive, and it always will. I want you to know what I am now, not what I was back then.”

There was a lengthy silence as he removed his hand from your head.

“‘samu,” Instantly, you cup his cheeks, bringing his head down a little so that you could stare into his eyes intensely. Dazai’s eyes flashed with uncertainty and slight shame, something you’d never seen him feel before.

“You’re right. I didn’t know Dazai Osamu from the Port Mafia, but I’ve heard of him. You’re the man I love, ‘samu, nothing could make me fear you, or walk away from you. You were given a second chance and second chances aren’t common in life. Even if your body carries horrible memories, it doesn’t mean that that’s the person you are. The man I love is caring, loving, protective, charming, amazing… and all the other positive words I could use forever.

So please, let me care for you.”

His hands were holding your wrists as you never let go of his face. Tears were bubbling up in your eyes, heart racing from all the emotions. His bottom lip was slightly trembling as he looked at the floor, before letting go of your wrists and turning around, walking back into the bathroom. He didn’t ask you to leave.

And this time, it was you who was unbandaging him as he sat patiently, though averting his gaze for most of the time. It would take time to get him to be comfortable, but you were more than happy to go slow if it meant that he wouldn’t feel as much guilt as before.

So no, you didn’t win the lottery, get struck by lightning, see a blue moon, or manage to buy the first three volumes of your favourite manga at the bookstore, but you did get to see Dazai without bandages. All those things couldn’t even compare to that.

————————

A:N - I’m back after a looooong writing break… just a lil thingy to warm myself up before writing anything longer

[childrenofcain-if]

THE PLAGIARISM DISCOURSE

this is the final thing i’m going to say before i put a cap on this whole fiasco.

first of all, i should’ve come up with the citations sooner. i jumped the gun because the person in question accused me of plagiarizing “children of cain” and, since it is a story that is dear to me and that i worked very hard on, i immediately got defensive.

i think you can see that i was fixated on that a lot and got too protective over their integrity that i kept pushing the acknowledgement in the back of my priorities. that wasn’t nice of me to do at all.

now that i’ve had time to take a breather and clear my head, i want to apologize for being a smartass and not owning up to what i did wrong sooner. authors, big or small, should be given credit even if it’s a quote or a whole story. i got so caught up in defending my original work that i forgot to recognise the irony in the situation.

another reason why i got so heated up with this person was because of the whole “did you forget your meds again” comment, which is something that came off as demeaning and downright ableist. perhaps they didn’t mean it that way, but when i recently came to know that people have a whole ass discord server where they constantly are assholes to you, it didn’t exactly made me very happy to respond in the first place.

right now, i just want to get everything cleared up:

the image reference from the WLB chapter will be updated accordingly.

i have cited the chapter in the C scenario for TRB quote.

it’s probably too little too late, but i don’t think running away from this is gonna solve any of my problems, nor does it absolve me of my responsibilities as a fellow creator. either way, i want to just settle this here once and for all.

if you think i plagiarized anything else, i’ll be happy to clear it up. all i ask for you in the meantime is to reserve your judgement until you hear my explanation about them. i’m also sorry for being a jackass to a lot of people who were, rightfully, asking me to be civil because the conversation kept spiralling with more and more vitriol.

but i will reiterate, i haven’t, nor will i ever, plagiarize anything in ‘children of cain’. and this is a stance i’m not budging from.

that’s it for this conversation, thank you for reading.

[in1-nutshell]

Could we get Fearless getting dropped into TFA? I would love to see how they react to the small Autobots and giant Decepticons, especially to how different otherwise familiar bots would be!

I’m hoping to see Transformers One this weekend, your positive review made me that much more excited!

I'm surprised I haven't sent Fearless to TFA yet. Well, better late than never!

Hope you enjoy!

Fearless meets Team Prime

SFW, Platonic, Human Reader

TFA/MTMTE

A portal opens in the middle of the Plant.

The bots are ready to attack anyone who comes through.

Surprised when it’s a human.

Fearless brushes off the dirt and looks around taking a double take.

Fearless waves at them. They wave back confused. Fearless looks around. Fearless: “This is defiantly a new one I’ll say.” Optimus: “New what? And Who are you?” Fearless jumps a bit. Fearless: “That voice is going to take time to get used to. ANYWAYS, the name’s Fearless and I’m from another dimension.” Team Prime: “What?!” Bulkhead: “Human’s haven’t made that much advancements on teleportation yet.” Prowl: “And how do we know if you’re lying?” Fearless: “… I literally came from a portal and you’re questioning if I’m lying? Who are you Prowl?” Prowl: “How do you know my name?” Fearless: “…Sweet Solus Prime, YOU’RE PROWL?!”

After the initial freakout of names and explanation of how the portal’s worked, Optimus welcome’s Fearless to the Plant for the time being.

Both parties are curious about each other’s universes and both share facts about them.

Fearless learned from last time that too much info-dumping was bad for the head or helm.

Fearless: “So, your war is over?” Optimus: “Yes and no. Megatron and a small group of Decepticon’s are stuck here on Earth with us. The Decepticon’s mainly dispersed after the Great War and Ultra Magnus’s decree.” Fearless: “Ultra Magnus?” Bumblebee: “Yeah he’s the leader of Cybertron.” Fearless laughs a bit. Fearless: “Hahaha… oh, you’re not joking. Man, My Magnus would have a panic attack if he found out he was suddenly in charge of a whole planet.” Ratchet raises his optic. Ratchet: “Magnus? You mean Ultra Magnus?” Fearless: “Nah, just call him Magnus or Minimus, depends on the day. But if Magnus is leader of Cybertron, then who are you leading Prime?” Optimus: “Just my team.” Fearless: “The Autobot’s right.” Optimus: “No, just this team the 4 of us.” Sari: “Hmm.” Optimus: “5 of us.” Fearless: “What?! But how?” Ratchet: “We’re just a space bridge repair crew kid.” Fearless: “…Say sike.” Optimus: “What?” Fearless: " Say sike right now…”

Fearless nearly has a nervous breakdown realizing part of the situation these bots were in.

Thankfully they had weapons.

…Right?”

Fearless, for once, is begging for that portal to come and spit someone, ANYONE from the Lost Light to help them.

After the internal breakdown Fearless is Ready.

Fearless staring down Team Prime. Fearless: “I will do whatever it takes to protect you all.” Bulkhead patting Fearless head. Bulkhead: “That’s nice.” Sari whispering at Bumblebee and Optimus. Sari: “They don’t literally mean it right?” Bumblebee: “Of course not.” Optimus: “I don’t think they mean it in a literal sense Sari.” Prowl and Ratchet just look at each other and brush it off. Of course they didn’t literally mean it… Later that week… Starscream hovering near some buildings with his blasters pointed down at the bots. Starscream: “Now it is time for you all to feel the wrath of—” Fearless flinging themselves off a nearby rooftop. Fearless: “GERNONIMO!!!!” Fearless lands on the Seeker’s faceplate. Starscream: “AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF ME!!” Fearless: “I’ve heard other Starscream’s shriek louder than that!” Starscream starts flailing around with Fearless still having a death grip on him. Starscream: “GET IT OFF!!!!” Team Prime just stares in horror. Bumblebee: “So that why their called Fearless.”

The bots now take whatever Fearless says seriously now.

Ratchet has also threatened to tape them to the wall.

He becomes increasingly concern when Fearless tells him that ‘that’ hasn’t stopped them before.

Fearless loves telling the team about stories that have happened on the Lost Light… as soon as they manage to tell them that Megatron is a good bot in their universe after the surrender.

Speaking of Megatron, Fearless does ask a lot of questions about him and the other Cons.

They don’t know why Fearless looks a bit sad.

Fearless is protective of this team but also wants to get to know them one-on-one.

From walking in the park with Prowl.

To painting with Bulkhead.

To cleaning up messes with Ratchet.

To watching movies with Bumblebee.

Surprising enough, Optimus is the bot that Fearless feels like they need to protect more than the others.

…It may or may not have stemmed from the incident on Archna 7…

Optimus does feel a bit touched that this human, a complete stranger cares so deeply about him like that.

Then the Elite Guard shows up.

Fearless looks at The Guard standing next to Sari. Sentinel gives them the stick eye. Sentinel: “What you looking at human? Surprised to see a real mech here?” He puffs his shoulders in emphasis. Fearless: “Umm, Optimus is behind me?” The mech sputters a bit while some of Team Prime try to contain their giggles. Sentinel: “You wouldn’t know a trashbot from—” Fearless: “I’m gonna stop you right there Chin’s.” They look up at Ultra Magnus. Fearless: “Huh, figured you’d be taller.” Optimus already feeling a migraine coming: “Fearless…” Sentinel: “How dare you say that to Ultra Magnus! You should be on your knees begging that he doesn’t squish you. He has order over all of you right now.” Fearless: “Not My Magnus… I didn’t get your name.” Sentinel: “The names Sentinel Prime.” Fearless eye twitched but before they could do anything, Optimus scooped them up and held them tightly to his chassis. The Elite Guard and his team looked at him confused. Optimus: “Trust me, I’m doing everyone a favor…” Flashback to Optimus telling Fearless about Sentinel and Elita… Fearless places a sympathetic hand on his servo. Fearless: “You know it wasn’t entirely your fault, right?” Optimus sighs. Fearless chuckles humorlessly. Fearless: “You Prime’s always beat yourselves up badly. But on a serious note…” Fearless gave him a serious look. Fearless: “If I see Sentinel, it will be on sight.” Optimus looks at them confused. Optimus: “On sight—wait isn’t that what you said when we told you about Starscream?” Fearless just smirks and walks off. Optimus thinks for a second before coming the horrible realization. Optimus: “Oh no…”

Fearless gets along with most of the Guard.

Jazz is their favorite besides Blurr.

The Jettwins would have taken that place, but they threw them up too high and ended up getting stuck on a rusty vent covering.

Fearless avoids this Magnus… something just seemed off about him…

Fearless was not allowed anywhere near sentinel without Optimus being around.

Last time they were with Bumblebee and… things didn’t go too well…

Optimus was driving around with Prowl and Jazz. PING! Optimus had received a message from… Sentinel? Optimus: “Sent—” Sentinel: “GET YOUR FILTHY ORGANIC OPTIMUS! ITS TRYING TO BITE ME!” Bumblebee in the background: “They don’t bite!” Sentinel: “YES THEY DO!”

Soon its time for Fearless to say goodbye to Team Prime.

Fearless promises that when they do eventually come back to bring someone with them to help with the Cons.

It isn’t until Fearless is gone that they realize that they said ‘when’ and not ‘if’.

In the Lost Light… Fearless lands on the bar counter at Swerve’s. Trailcutter: “SWEET PRIMUS!” He jumps out of his seat in surprise. Swerve just smiles at the disheveled human. Swerve: “Came back from another dimensional hop?” Fearless: “Yep.” Swerve: “Can’t wait to hear all about it.” Fearless nods. Fearless: “But first, get me a bottle of my favorite drink… this one was rough.” Swerve winces a bit. Swerve: “That bad? How about telling me one thing that went well or some sort of highlight out of the whole trip?” Fearless without missing a beat: “I bit Sentinel Prime.” Swerve: “WHAT!?” Fearless: “And I’d do it again!”

[hotchfiles]

↪ day twelve. dinner party stories — #marchhotchness

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ❝ [family line] ❞

pairing: hotchner x fem!reader. summary: he snickers when he secretly whispers you that and you’re sure this is the family you were born to be after all, it just took you a little while to find it. or: aaron shows what the unconditional love of a family should be like. content warnings: not proofread, a lot of family issues brought up, weight gain mention (negatively once, then positively), reader's parents being annoying and kind of mean. word count: 2.4K

      Aaron sees it in your eyes, in your breathing, in the way you move. He sees it in the way you’ve been playing more with your necklace and by how you can’t seem to stop spinning your engagement ring around your finger. He hasn’t seen you this anxious in months, and back then you were working on finishing your dissertation and it collided with the company you worked at losing clients, it was chaos. He knew right now there was no chaos in sight, so it could only mean one thing. 

      “Honey, did you speak to your parents recently?” His voice is always as soft as a feather when talking to you, even in the rare instances you argue. 

      You turn from the scrabble pieces and set your wine glass down, not minding the interruption to the cozy game when his voice sounded like that and his eyes looked at you like you were something so precious you could break. 

      “No, babe, why d’you ask?” 

      “You’re fidgeting like an hyperactive kid who hasn’t been put on Ritalin yet lately.” His explanation catches you off guard in a way that you almost reprehend him saying his name in a high pitched voice and slapping his arm in between laughter. His smirk shows you just how accomplished he feels that he made you laugh like that. 

      Aaron takes both of your hands in his, kissing your knuckles and urging you to talk with him just by the way he looked into your eyes, eagerly waiting for you to vent about what was making you so restless. 

      “I haven’t told them about the engagement yet. I want to have them over for dinner, to share the news but they are so…” You sigh profoundly, looking up to the ceiling trying to finish that though in a way that made sense. “Difficult.” 

      Aaron knows what difficult really means. It means patronizing. It means unsupportive. Unwilling. Unhelpful. It doesn’t mean unloving, but it means old fashioned in a way that it feels unloving. “We could have dinner in a nice restaurant instead, to ease up some of that pressure.” He suggests, always the problem solver. 

      “It would be perfect, handsome, but we did that last time…” Your voice trails off, laying your head on his lap, urging him to gently pass his fingers through your hair by that act alone, cozying up to him in an attempt to ignore the problem at hand. 

      Hotch follows your lead, not forgetting to place a kiss on your forehead, but also, not letting the problem go. “And my dear future mother in law will start dropping hints again that we don’t want them here.” You nod quietly. “Alright. Don’t call. Text her inviting them over with the details. Less talking.” 

      You groan, ��She will complain about that too…”

      “Once they’re here.” He kisses your forehead, “So it’s only one,” and your nose, “Night,” your right cheek, “Of,” your left cheek, and you’re already grinning like an idiot, holding in your laughter at his boyishness, “Complaining.” Aaron finishes, brushing his lips against yours. you nod and pull your head up slightly, finally connecting you two in a sweet slow kiss.

      You get your big girl pants on after a delicious making out session with your fiancé, the scrabble pieces long forgotten as you gulp down your whole glass of wine and pick up your phone. His hair is messy, his cheeks are flushed and he grins at you with reassurance pouring from his sweet eyes as you send your mother the text, throwing your phone back to the table before seeing a response and going back straight to his arms.

      He made it easier, always. Helped you sort your feelings out, helped you find out the less stressing way to solve your problems. It was a joy to have him, to watch how he talked to Jack and see how it should be.

      More often than you would like to admit, you caught yourself thinking wow my parents would not let that slide, and then you would be faced with the reality that they were in the wrong, not Aaron.

      You talked to him about it once, asked how could he be so sweet and so effortlessly so to Jack, his answer came quickly, no hesitation: Jack had lost enough, losing his trust on his dad was not something Aaron would let happen, he didn’t want Jack to go through what he had as a child.

      Then it clicked to you once more, how you would never want to treat your hypothetical children like you had been treated too. 

      You try not to think too much about these things too often nowadays, but even as you laid on Aaron’s chest and felt his fingers lightly, softly, trace designs on your skin, now all you could think about was the damned dinner.

      Your mom wasn’t too judgy when it came to what you cooked, your dad was and annoyingly so, always had some remark about what would have made the food better, just like he did to your mother back home. 

      So first thing you did the next morning was think through all dinners and remarks and find something you could do following his tips to lessen the complaining, Aaron’s idea, of course. 

      “He always says my lasagna is delicious but too dry,” You mumble to yourself, but not really, you have your earphones on and Aaron on call, in the office doing reports he was able to entertain you as you picked up ingredients for extra sauce.

      You can hear him smiling, the sound of his aggressive pen on paper stopping for a second, “Even Rossi loves your lasagna, it is delicious. Just give your father a bowl full of sauce, he will be happier.” You snort and he goes back to his papers, satisfied to have made you laugh through the stress.

      Gathering the rest of the ingredients is easy enough, you’re already used to the grocery store’s layout and setup, you keep him on the line either way, a tradition you both kept whenever you were doing monotonous tasks, even when he didn’t speak, listening to his breathing, the shuffling of papers and his pen quickly making work through all his reports made you smile, calmed you down.

      Hotch thought it was silly at first, but quickly warmed up to it when he heard you softly,  secretive so, humming songs to yourself as you worked on your own reports, or went shopping, not to mention how adorable he found you to be when you forgot he was on the line and jumped scared as he spoke something.

      Most of all, he loved being immersed in a paper trail and being surprised by a hey I love you right in his ear as if you were there.

      It pained him to know how much of yourself you tried to mute down to please your parents when he loved every single tiny piece of what made you… You.  

      Hotch excused himself from the call to talk to Rossi just as you were about to go back home, satisfied you convinced him to get Rossi’s sauce recipe. 

      “Hers is great, why does she need mine?” Rossi sound almost exasperated, as if Hotch himself had said something about your cooking. He is quick to reassure that’s not the case and explain how you’re trying to please your father, Dave doesn’t seem that much happier about it, always pleased with the dishes you made for dinner parties at his mansion, but he still takes his phone and sends you a voice note explaining each step of his homemade tomato sauce. “Anything else?”

      “I need a favor as well. I’m gonna need the next weekend off for this.” Hotch begins, he knows Rossi would never mind that, no one would, in fact most people from the Bureau agreed he needed time off. “I know myself enough, I need to be completely off, no calls, no briefings.” He’s learnt his lesson from too many past mistakes, if he knows the case, if he knows the team needs him, he will be putting his job above anything else, Aaron can’t afford to do that anymore, so he prevents it. 

      His left thumb rubs the side of his index finger, his way to calm his racing thoughts, just the possibility of ruining this dinner has him anxious, this little habit of his was something he hadn’t even noticed he did before he met you. It was one of his tells and he never realized before you took his hand in yours and looked sweetly into his eyes saying you’re stimming, what’s wrong? In the softest tone he had ever heard anyone speak to him. 

      You were always quick to notice if anyone around you didn’t feel well, always a caretaker, it was a sight to take in and a pain to prove you so, being seen as selfish your whole life at home. 

      That day he got home late, Jack was doing his homework with your help while you worked on a few things on your laptop—a presentation you needed to finish soon as possible to get the next Friday off. 

      His office had become a shared office with your help, a U shaped desk where both of you could work being one of the first changes you made to it as soon as you moved in, it was perfect and it gave Jack space to sit close to either of you when he needed help.

      The sides faced the walls while and front faced the window where you and Jack sat, focused, it gave Hotch time to lean in the door frame and watch you both.

      “I’m not sure about that one, Jack-Jack…” You stop typing to read the question in his book again, impressed with how little you remember of school math. “If I Google this up, promise not to tell your teacher?” Aaron clears his throat at the question, catching your attention and making you laugh: Caught in the act. 

      “No Google, buddy, sorry.” Jack scrunches his nose at his father’s ruling out, a loud groan coming from his pre teen little voice. 

      “Told ya we should have started this earlierrrr—” You tease the boy, insinuating you two would have been able to find the answer online without his dad knowing then, you ruffle his short hair softly, loving the endearing smile he always gives you when you do that.

      His smile quickly turns into a yawn, the weight of the time stamped on Aaron’s watch getting to Jack’s eyes, “I’m sleepy.” 

      “You can finish tomorrow, let’s get you two to bed, buddy.” 

      Hotch picks Jack up and the young Hotchner is nothing but a ball of giggles, always saying he’s too big for that now, but obviously still loving the attention. 

      “Enjoy while you can, Jack-Jack, your old man is not getting any younger.” 

      “Yeah? I’m carrying your ass to bed soon too, my back can handle you both for years still.” You and Jack both laugh at him. It’s always almost as if a harsh mask melted when he got home, in its place would remain his soft features and the bickering you loved so dearly. 

      It was warm. And kind. Even when he came back home stressed, you never had to worry about accidentally setting him off or saying the wrong thing. It was a completely different dynamic than what you were used to. 

      It takes a few minutes for Hotch to come back, but he comes ready to make true of his promise, hands straight to your waist to carry you, tickling his way into your defenses, he laughs at your laughter and at how easy you melt to his touch. “I’m just finishing this up, babyy—” Your voice is purposefully whiny, pouting at him and getting a kiss in return, “Go eat your dinner while I do it, I heated it up when I got your text!”

      He stops trying to pull you up his shoulder or around his waist then, the look he gives you then reminds you of why you fell for him: Sweet like caramel, always betraying his known frown. 

      Aaron looks at you like every act of kindness you do makes him fall in love again, and it does. He traces your features with his thumb in silence, the mix of his calloused fingers and the softness of his actions makes you sigh, leaning into it.

      “I love you. I love our little family.” He kisses your forehead and leaves you to your presentation before you can even reply, before you can even tell him the two Hotchner boys are the first healthy family you’ve ever been in.

      You don’t even mind your dad complaining about your lasagna having way too much sauce the week after. Aaron eats for the both of them, compliments every single decision you made while cooking.

      The second your mother tells you you’ve been gaining weight, Aaron replies with a simple “If anything, we’re both getting bigger and happier.” A squeeze tight to your knee, stopping you from tearing up at how that was the only thing your mother did notice.

      They seemed happy about the engagement, but not too sure you’ll be able to care for him and his child as they needed to be cared for. You’re forgetful. You’re not maternal. You worry about work too much.

      You’re not even sure how good news could lead to such rambling about your flaws but again, before you can either cry or lose control and yell—Aaron comes in, his soft smile being completely betrayed by his furrowed brows and stern tone. He’s trying to be polite. “We take care of each other well, and together we care for Jack. It works. We work.”

      It’s simple but effective, what he wants is to shield you, to tell them how lucky they are you grew up as kind and hardworking when all they did was bring you down and doubt your feelings and your dreams.

      He wants to show them drawings Jack made of you and essays he wrote about his family. 

      But for now he settles on being polite. There’s still the whole wedding preparation and the actual wedding to go through. He has time to do all that. Right now he just makes sure to show you and them how much he supports you and how nothing they can ever say will change how he sees you. 

      At least he’s glad his mother is dead, one less problematic in law to deal with.

      He snickers when he secretly whispers you that and you’re sure this is the family you were born to be after all, it just took you a little while to find it.

[anaconamor]

ex-bf!trent who doesn’t want u to leave after having sex

so what - taa blurb.

psa 🗣️: something small before i post dad! trent… also not proofread so im sorry 🙂‍↕️🤗

trent exhaled a sigh, his hand brushing up and down your bare arm, tucking you closer. you felt him rest his cheek on your temple, as you drew shapes along his bare chest, not knowing what to say but having to urge to say so much. the white thin sheets not covering you both entirely or what you had just done.

it’s like you could sense it, you knew trent from the back of your hand. his likes, dislikes, his pleasure, hobbies, emotions, everything. and now wasn’t any different than from when you were together. just now it felt like the past and you hated it because now it was different and so much damage was done.

it was a week ago when he put all his ego and hidden feelings aside. manning up and showing up to your doorstep just to be surprised you had just gone on a date. elegant makeup and hair. your outfit. it felt like a fever dream. though you allowed him to come in, for him letting to seek and pour out his feelings to you because you were the only person he felt safe and comfortable doing that with.

a week since you set boundaries with him and agreed on just sex with him. that it was all you could offer each other no matter the price tag it carried. was it wrong? yes. did it feel right? more than you could imagine.

“stay with me tonight,” he murmured kissing your forehead, lips longing on the spot. you smiled tiredly, knowing you could stay but it didn’t feel right. you would be up the entire night overthinking about what had happened and you couldn’t trust yourself entirely if you did stay with him.

“i can’t trent, i have to work…” you lied and sighed deeply, pushing yourself a bit though it felt impossible when all you wanted and felt was to sink into his embrace and not look back. for him to protect and keep you safe like he once had and promised.

“just work? or are you gonna avoid me,” he said making you roll your eyes at his tone. “i don’t owe you any explanations on what i do or don’t. we agreed on just sex,” you pointed looking up where his face softened. “don’t do that trent,” you pushed yourself up, hearing trent groan before pulling you back down to his chest.

“why can’t i just hold you like this. just for tonight,” he offered but you shook your head. “because that would mean something more than what we promised. we’re not together anymore, you don’t have to pretend to care,” you said directly, your words stinging trent’s heart. when had you become so cold?

“but i do care.”

“but you don’t. not when i needed you to anyway. there’s no point of trying to fix what’s already broken,” you say with no emotion. you learned that the hard way. you were used to the disappointment but when it came from trent that was just the tip of the iceberg. you didn’t want to be vulnerable anymore. you didn’t deserve it because you had so much more to live up to. trent couldn’t live up to the standards even after how much you begged and pleaded.

“that’s not fair, you haven’t given me a chance to show we aren’t like how you think, y/n.”

“i’m not doing this again trent. i gave you so much time for you to explain and prove yourself when i gave you the chance but you refused because you weren’t ready. that’s not my problem anymore, you knew how i felt when coming into this. no feelings just sex.”

“how am i supposed not to feel anything, y/n? you’re my ex girlfriend!”

you scoffed pushing away the sheets and grabbing your clothes to dress yourself again. this was the cons to what you agreed. you knew and felt that it wasn’t quite over with the two of you just yet. but this felt better than actually being together. you still had him but there was no label to it, this time things were different and you were gonna stand on that for your sake.

though all you longed and wished was to be back how it was when you first met. the late night dates, his lips brushing and kissing over your knuckles, trent’s shy smiles when you complimented him, making ever longing memories and promises for one day. those that now won’t be able to come true when you had the courage to put your foot down and end it.

it was all going down hill. you never saw him anymore, he treated you like a plate for a second table, trent was there physically but not mentally. you tried and fought, the many late night tears and seeking of advice, but there was so much you could and have done but in the end you gave up and called it quits. to protect yourself from further damage.

“i knew this was gonna happen,” you blurted to yourself, trying to calm the ache in your head yet also the nerves that built in your veins. you heard trent shuffle around the bed then looking at him with his black calvin’s on. “y/n wait, let’s talk this out.”

why was he fighting for you now? why did he bother when this was all you asked for in the past? for him to communicate his thoughts and feelings.

“no trent, i’m done talking. i did that all before and im not here to do again just because you want me to stay,” you said while putting on your shirt. “it’s not just about staying. i finally have you to myself and want to protect that. i just want to be with you right now,” trent pleaded, coming over to your side where you hid your face away from him. knowing if stared into him it was capable of you to stay.

“we made a promise,” your voice broke, just like trent’s hopes were as you continued to speak. “i just want to have control of one thing in my life and heart. i can’t do this again if it mean the same outcome trent. we don’t deserve that. we fought so hard, and we’d be repeating history again.”

“but isn’t that the point? for us not to repeat it because we have full control of that? of our thoughts and feelings? of our love for each other? i wasn’t ready then. the night of our breakup or a week ago when this all began. i can’t lie to you, when i saw you again i made a promise to you and myself y/n… i just want you… i’m ready now,” his brown eyes bore into yours making it so difficult, every bone in your body wanting to give it.

“trent-” you warned sadly.

“you said you did all the talking, now it’s my turn, but i can’t do that if you don’t allow me to baby,” trent was ready to get on his knees and beg you. to beg you to stay, to beg you to hear him out, to beg you to love him like you once did. he was ready to risk it all just for you. doing the utterly most to show you.

“stay with me tonight, it’s a start for a new us…”